I’m so sorry,

Transforming Childhood lessons into Financial Success

In the process of writing my book, “What’s Good for the Goose, is Good for the Gander” I’ve had many chapters that are just so emotional for me. My dad once said, “No parent ever wants to hurt their child.” This was after I ran away at the age of 16 after a disagreement with him.  We do our best as parents, your parents did too, regardless of what you’re thinking right now.  I truly believe what he said. Your parents deserve grace.

Regardless, the outcome is that those formative years of our life, until about 21, really drive our financial behaviors for the next 60 years of our lives. What’s commonly discussed is the importance of child development before the age of two.  I won’t argue that, as I’m not a pediatrician, but I can tell you financial behaviors are driven by things we experience and feel in our early cognitive years. Regardless, it’s important to realize, that parents don’t begin with the intention to hurt their children, some intentionally help form your financial behaviors through direct conversation, and others we learn from their actions.

For example, I associate public transit with freedom and car ownership with restriction. The opposite would naturally make sense because you can go where you want with a car. With public transit, you’re at the mercy of the route or operations of the area you live in.  But in my early years when we didn’t have a car, we traveled, we saw the world, and life was good.  When my parents got a car, I learned about the cost of gas, parking tickets, car repairs, car payments…etc. Before a car, leaving the house meant looking for your bus pass that was paid for a month in advance and now it meant budgeting for all those things. 

I said no thanks.  It doesn’t matter how beautiful it is, I just can’t wrap my head around the costs associated with moving around in a car.  Many of us make financial decisions based on things like that.  For example, the feeling of being the only kid who walks themselves to school, while other moms kiss their kids goodbye at the school gate.  The difference in your lunch from those of other kids.  Before the proliferation of Walmart, having off brand shoes was another driver of feelings of inadequacy. 

The funny thing is, we often don’t focus on the positive things we experienced growing up, and this is important.  When we plan solely on the things we don’t want or don’t like, what happens is, that those things we didn’t want don’t happen, which is great, but we also lose some of the intangibles we didn’t realize we valued.

It’s important to say sorry to the little guy inside of you, who is struggling with some feelings of lack.  Then also reflect on the things you loved and that made you feel good and remember to keep that top of mind.

Working from a positive mindset will always get you further, as it gives you energy and when facing long-term financial goals or even minor setbacks. Those are wonderful feelings to comfort yourself in life. Acknowledging both positive and negative experiences can foster a healthier financial mindset, crucial for long-term success.

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